Lord! It´s been long since I last wrote on my blog and so naturally am not sure how to structure this post but let me try;
My last update was in June/July 2018 and at that time I was very sure I was back to stay. However, having a new job, a new apartment and a wedding to plan on another continent completely took all my energy. So my plan was to return mid-January 2019 after “settling down.” I will get back to this in short while.
I initially started my blog as a creative outlet for the ultimate girl boss, the kinda girl that loves glamour but believes in grinding (aka works hard) so preferably it was meant to be a professional/lifestyle blog and all things millennial hustle. And I have always believed that´s my purpose. But all this changed on that early morning of January 11 2019.
This is how I imagined my life to be by the time I was 28 and that´s today!
- Bachelors degree by 21
- Masters degree by 25
- Secured a job
- In a mature/secure relationship
- Side hustle going great
- 2019 begin my world travel
- At 28 looking at middle management promotion
Well, that was me then, a box checker. Initially, I was on and off-track with these “goals” but still on the same path. Today, am literally trying to figure out what on track means, how to build that track or if I need to build one anyway. Here is how I got here:
December 2018, I got married, all was good and merry, we had decided with my husband that come January I would take on Swedish Language Studies full time and work part-time so that I could increase my chances of getting that job that would enable me to climb the corporate ladder (yes at this point corporate ladder was the dream). And so I began my language studies and was not employed anymore, I wasn´t worried at the time because I knew that I would easily find a part-time job.
My world literally “crashed” on that January morning when I found out I was pregnant. Well to some people it´s not a big deal, and what did I expect, I was married after all yada yada, but the thing is it wasn´t in my “plan” and I didn´t think it would happen. Maybe, I will have a separate blog post where I talk about this in detail.
Because I was a box-ticking, take control of my life and structure it as I please kind of a person I said to myself, Gertrude you know what, it´s ok just ignore this, it´s not happening, besides it´s too early you never know what can happen you can still stay on track. That´s the first mistake I made because I decided to ignore what was happening, now I was desperately looking for a job, not just any job. I wanted to be in corporate work to keep the dream alive. This meant that I was not paying attention to school anymore and neglecting to look for any job that would get me an income.
Flash forward to April, still didn´t have a job, was completely lagging with my studies and my pregnancy was starting to show meaning I had to take care of myself and my unborn child better. And this is when my breakdown/crash happened. At this point, I honestly felt like my life was over.
We had planned to spend Christmas and New Year in NYC with my husband and I was looking forward to that, a honeymoon in Spain during the summer after our Swedish wedding and London was on the list too. It´s quite funny today, but then the thought of not been able to do these things sent me into a period of sadness, I won´t call it depression because I was never diagnosed, besides am African and we don´t get depressed, (just kidding. That statement has honestly been detrimental to our beautiful continent)
It was during this time that I quit school and officially stopped job-hunting, stopped keeping in touch with friends or trying to meet them. Making my second big mistake, I was judging myself and I assumed everyone around me would be judging me too. Eventually, I snapped out of it because well, #blackdontcrack, lol.
And so this is where I am today, a mommy to an amazing little boy, calm as his dad and fierce when he needs to be like his mum. I love him with all of me, the love is deep to an extent I have never experienced before. I am super excited to be on this journey, I am rediscovering my purpose, setting new goals and definitely living my life re-imagined! Some days are hard but some days are heaven and I live for those days.
Moving forward, I will be sharing this journey more, so you are welcome to come along and let´s see where it leads.
Otherwise, I would love to hear from you, how are you doing?
I am SimplyGertude.